There’s a small chance that Herr Pottyprimatepunisher Graham Platner will withdraw from the Maine Senate primary before you read this, but the historical figures he loves so much that he etched one of their designs into his chest fought all the way back to Berlin, so he may just keep on keeping on.
It’s been a tough couple of weeks for his campaign in particular and the Democrats in general, from the Totenkopf tat to the outhouse onanism to the least surprising revelation in the history of revelations that he likes to exchange nudes with random women he’s not married to.
He may be spiraling in like a shot-down Messerschmitt, but his supporters are hanging in there because the real Nazi isn’t the guy who has the SS death’s head on his pecs.
No, it’s Susan Collins because gulp! Yummy Kool-Aid! And do you know who is responsible for all this stuff about his carnal correspondence? Brace yourself.
It’s the Jews! Sometimes you must pick a hill to die on.
You should try to pick a hill to die on that doesn’t make you look like an idiot.
I love how our principled liberal friends are choosing to die on Platner’s Peak, but of course, he hasn’t peaked yet.
Not even close.
If rumors are right, there’s much worse to come.
The air is electric with tension.
What’s the next shoe to drop? Does he have a Swalwell problem? Is someone going to dig up a Reddit post with his thoughts about black people? Try telling me it’s outside the realm of possibility that he put stuff out there that makes David Duke look like MLK.
Something even worse for the libs? Is there a tweet out there where he denies that a man can get pregnant? Perhaps he owns some Tesla stock.
Maybe he’s a Coldplay fan.
Sit back and savor it.
This is great.
It’s not just that he’s going to lose to the rigorously normal Senator Collins.
It’s not just that he’s going to be personally humiliated, though a guy who touches himself in a public toilet and tells the world about it probably doesn’t have a shame gene anyway.
No, what’s truly great is how the Democrats have gone all-in on this mutation only to find out that every single day there’s something new and grosser they have to try to explain away: Nervous Dems: “Look, how can you get worse than a Nazi tattoo, right?” Platner: “Hold my beer while I go hold myself in this Porta-Potty.” Nervous Dems: “OK, this has to be the bottom.
Please be the bottom.” Platner: “Hey, what’s your number? I wanna text you a uh, very special pic of Lil’ Adolph.” Nervous Dems: “We can get past this…” Platner: “I don’t have to give DNA samples if I don’t want to, right?” It isn’t like the Democrats don’t have credibility problems anyway.
Their principles bend like a yogi who just OD’d on Flexeril.
For Democrats, consistency is the gender-neutral hobgoblin of little minds.
Down in Texas, they’re trying to push support for that weird, blasphemous gnome with a very, very, very, very real girlfriend as some kind of Christian obligation because Jesus and stuff, but then at the other end of the country, anything goes.
It’s their moral duty, see? They must stop that raging right-wing lunatic…Susan Collins.
At the risk of seeming cynical, and I don’t want to ruffle any feathers here, but I’m not quite believing these people are completely sincere.
People are writing his political obituary, a bit prematurely to my mind, but you can see the outlines of what’s going on.
My gut and the rumors tell me there is worse stuff out there.
A lot worse.
Maybe not even funny, worse.
I mean, what we’ve seen so far is creepy and disgusting, but amusing.
I would not put it past this creepy man-child to smash through “Amusing” and cross the line fully into the territory of “Get a rope.” It’s just hilarious to see the libs go all in for him since he’s pretty much everything they say they hate.
After all, the sexually confused feminists have, for decades, been telling us about how we all suffer from toxic masculinity.
Yet, it doesn’t get any more toxic than this dork.
He’s like a parody of manhood, with his stupid stubble, his fake oyster gig, his tats that range from lame to evil, and his obnoxious vet-bro posturing.
This is literally the guy they were accusing all of us of being, and now these blue-haired weirdos are rallying around him, rationalizing him, caressing him, and covering for him.
To the extent....
